An Encouraging Word – Creating a more perfect union

Father J. Ronald Knott
Father J. Ronald Knott

If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. Matthew 5:29

Why do so many people marry in June? I learned that the tradition dates back to Roman times when they celebrated the festival of the deity Juno and his wife Jupiter on the first day of June. The month of June was, of course, named after Juno and Jupiter was the goddess of marriage and childbirth.

In Victorian times, the tradition is thought to have continued because flowers were available for wedding décor, and the scent of the flowers masked body odor. Thanks to “roll-ons” and FTD, brides and grooms today are not necessarily confined to June so why is summer still so popular for weddings?

It is probably because it is the easiest time of year for brides and grooms to take “work leave.” Many occupations are significantly more flexible in summertime. If kids are involved in the wedding, coordinating school schedules any other time of year is nearly impossible.

Reflecting on the marriages that I have performed in the month of June, something occurred to me that I hadn’t thought about all that much. People tend to think of marriage mainly in terms of a “joining,” forgetting that it also involves a “separating.”

When you choose to be married to “this person,” you also reject being married to “all those other persons.” If you choose married life, you reject the single life.

One of the problems in our culture is that we have a lot of people who don’t totally accept that premise. They like the thought of being married and acting single, attempting to have it both ways and trying to “Have Your Kate and Edith Too” as the Statler Brothers used to sing.

After you say, “I do,” there are certain behaviors you can’t take into marriage if you want that relationship to work.

This includes flirting, seeking sexual attention from someone other than your spouse, sharing intimate details of your marriage, choosing not to wear your wedding ring on some occasions, making your spouse beg for intimacy, withholding important information, coming and going as you please, going on and on in front of your partner about how fine someone else is, deliberately putting yourself in tempting situations and acting single on social media (having secret “friends,” connecting with old flames, posting inappropriate photos and publicly criticizing one’s spouse.)

Once married, some behaviors need to change. If one is proud to be a spouse, one’s actions will always reflect it.

If you want your relationship to last, you must practice what, in the old days, used to be called “custody of the eyes.” We might also add “custody of speech,” “custody of thoughts,” and “custody of behavior.”

As always, preserving a “union,” requires attention, discipline, focus and determination. That’s why marriage is for “grown-ups.”

To read more from Father Knott, visit his blog: FatherKnott.com.

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