Mistianna: Every woman wants to feel cherished and desired — especially by her husband, we just do! And when that isn’t happening, we doubt our own attractiveness and sensuality. I experienced this when Derrick and I were married for five years and had a 3-year-old.
Back then, my momma gave me some great marriage advice. She told me we were in a rut and had stopped dating each other. I had no idea what she meant.
Date Derrick? Why? We were already married. We lived together. We ate dinner every night together. We slept in the same bed together. Why did we need to date each other? But we did!
Deacon Derrick: Mistianna’s mom was correct. We did need to date each other! After being married for several years, we knew each other well. We didn’t need to date each other for that reason. We needed to date each other to rediscover the person we fell in love with.
It is easy to get in a rut, to get busy with life and forget what first attracted you to each other. You start to take each other for granted and stop noticing the qualities that first drew you to one another.
Mistianna and I had stopped trying; we were not making each other a priority.
I fell into the trap of failing to do the “little things” for her, such as holding open her door and pulling out her chair when we were together. I wasn’t loving Mistianna in her love language, receiving gifts, but instead tried to express love to her in my love language, positive affirmations. We failed to give each other the best versions of ourselves. We had to begin to intentionally spend time together and make the other a priority.
Mistianna: Dating Derrick was fun! Even though we lived together and parented together, taking time alone to talk, laugh and just enjoy each other’s company was new and exciting. When Derrick began intentionally “wooing” me, I started to feel like I did when we were in college: important and valued.
The insecurities I’d developed about my own body and that Derrick no longer found me attractive, started to drift away. Instead of always wearing my fuzzy robe and bunny slippers when we were at home, I put more effort into my appearance. Derrick noticed and complimented me often. He bought me flowers and left little love notes around the house.
The more attractive and special I felt, the more I complimented and appreciated Derrick. By intentionally “wooing” and scheduling planned date nights, we got our spark back. And when our daughter was at activities like dance class, we planned “mini-dates.”
We did fun things, like go wish-list shopping at Lowe’s or Home Depot, take an afternoon drive out to the country, dance on the deck in the moonlight or play at the park, kid-free.
Deacon Derrick: After five years of marriage, Mistianna and I forgot that marriage wasn’t a destination but a life-long journey. Investing time in each other and making each other a priority does not stop the day after the wedding. I’m not saying it’s easy. I am saying it’s worth it!
Today, as couples we get bogged down with paying the bills, advancing careers, raising kids and caring for aging parents.
Before we know it, we have given our time to everyone but each other! And if you remember in your vows, you promised to God that you would forsake all others for the sake of the person that stood beside you at the altar of God and promised the same.
Intentionally dating your spouse puts your priority back on your partner. Plus, it’s essential if you want to make sure you and your spouse still like and enjoy each other when the kids are grown and gone, the job is finished and you begin your retirement.
Remember, it’s until death do us part, not until the kids are gone or the job is done. If you are still breathing, intentionally date your spouse!
