A Time to Speak —
Intimacy in Marriage

Deacon Derrick and Mistianna Barnes

Deacon Derrick: Intimacy in marriage can take on many forms. The first way many of us think of intimacy involves the type of love known as passionate love. This type of love is found through the sharing of your physical body with your spouse. Mistianna and I see sexuality as a gift given to us by God; a gift that unifies both our hearts and our bodies. While sex does bring us each physical pleasure, it also involves giving our complete selves to the other and being open to welcoming new life into our marriage. We believe being intimate with your spouse physically is a unifying, spiritual and life-giving act.

Mistianna: When Derrick and I were first married we could hardly keep our hands off each other. After Kailee was born our intimate time together decreased significantly. Changing diapers, nighttime feeding and a crying baby put a huge damper on our sex life. Opportunities for making love became even more challenging when Derrick and I got more involved in our careers and Kailee entered preschool. We hardly ever had time for long love-making sessions because we each worked long hours, and then came home to feed, bathe, and get our three-year-old in bed at a reasonable hour. That’s when spontaneous romance became an important part of our marriage. While Kailee watched Barney or read herself books after dinner, Derrick and I would sneak away to the laundry room and “fold laundry.” For us, this short, spontaneous, and intimate time together deeply connected us during a busy and chaotic time in our marriage.

Deacon Derrick: The act of physical love is wonderful, but it is not the only form of intimacy in marriage. When Mistianna experienced a car wreck and went through 18 months of physical therapy to walk again, physical intimacy was impossible for us. Our intimacy centered around me holding her and reassuring her that everything was going to be alright. During Mistianna’s recovery, we also began to pray together as a couple. If you want to experience a whole new level of intimacy with your spouse, eavesdrop on their conversations with God. When Mistianna and I started praying together, we learned what we each were afraid of, worried about, excited over and happy about. Praying together for the first time felt weird and uncomfortable. As we became more comfortable praying, Mistianna and I grew closer to each other, achieved deeper intimacy with one another and developed a deeper relationship with God.

Mistianna: Intimacy in marriage changes throughout your lifetime as a couple. Whether you can hardly keep your hands off each other, sneak away to “fold laundry” together, lovingly hold each other when physical intimacy isn’t possible, pray together or reconnect after your kids leave the nest, intimacy plays an important role in your marriage. My Momma used to refer to sex in marriage as the icing on top of a cake. While we all enjoy eating cake, we enjoy cake with icing even more. That is what making love brings to marriage: And while the icing is only one part of the cake, it is a necessary aspect.

Deacon Derrick and Mistianna Barnes serve as marriage preparation coordinators for the Archdiocese of Louisville and are assigned to St. Margaret Mary Church. They blog about marriage at sacredmessymarriage.com/.

The Record
Written By
The Record
More from The Record
Consuela a Mi Gente — El Proceso de Asignación de Sacerdotes
Como es habitual, varias de nuestras comunidades parroquiales experimentarán cambios debido a...
Read More
0 replies on “A Time to Speak —
Intimacy in Marriage”